i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
