"it" just moved
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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