Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
