Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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