Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
