Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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