I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
