it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
only you would photoshop your dick
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
