hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
