the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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