So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
