you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
two words...techno handjob
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
