he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
