New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
