i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
