we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
