There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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