I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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