I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
