Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
