You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
