The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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