I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
