I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
