So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
