Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
