I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
