I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
