Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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