I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
