you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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