Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
