apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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