He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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