Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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