My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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