I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
