I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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