Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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