is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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