The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
