if you like me you must not know who I am
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
