she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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