I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
