There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
