Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
