She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
