you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
