Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
