shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
