I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
