i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
